Thursday 3 December 2015

4th December - nearly there

Well this will be one of my last posts I think. I'm nearly at goal. I will write a post when I get to goal and I will write a post if I get to the finals of the Rapid Loss challenge which I will know hopefully in March. There are lots and lots of worthy contestants. My husband says I always get over excited about things, getting my hopes up. But you have to aim for something and if you don't think you're in with a chance, what's your motivation? I know it's probably not going to happen but what's the worst case scenario? I'll have lost 30 kilos and feel fabulous!

What a huge year I've had this year. Right at the beginning I decided to do the challenge because everything seemed out of control since my father's passing last year. I remember thinking that this is something that I can control at least. I needed to feel positive about something, about myself and thanks to the staff and forum members of rapid loss (and of course to myself) I am amazed at the change in mindset. I started it in the summer holidays, a challenge in itself, and seem to be finishing it in the summer holidays.

Of course in between I had that pesky brain tumour to get rid of! Discovering that 10 weeks into my challenge really threw me of course but I think I have come out of it healthier and with no visible side effects because I was well on my way to a healthy weight then.

I have been going to the gym religiously. And (seriously) I love it! Going with friends is great, going alone is fine too, gives me a chance to get stuck into it. I try to go early in the morning so that it's out of the way with. I'm not sure that I'll ever be a big lover of exercise. I'd like to think so though. I'm not good in outside weather, if it's too hot or too cold or too wet I've always made an excuse not to take the pooches for a walk. And I shudder when I see the sand workouts on the Biggest Loser! The gym is perfect for me. Not many are there when I go which I like too. I can watch a bit of telly, bop along to the music in the background and know exactly what I'm doing and how to increase my own workout. And (for the time being) I can claim it on my extras insurance as my doctor filled in a form saying it's beneficial to my rehab. Incidentally, this can also be filled in if you have an obesity problem, $150 per year can be claimed on gym membership or other weight loss programs. I've been upping my running this week. Amazing for those who know me, I don't bloody run! 5 minutes in total, 1 minute running, 1 minute breathlessly walking for 10 or 12 minutes. And I LOVE it! I feel so proud of myself. It's so nice to sweat because I'm earning it instead of because of this stupid menopause.

So lastly for the photos. I've probably lost 2 kilos since taking the last ones but I don't think I look much different, except for maybe the bumpy bits above my bather bottoms. And that may be because I've got them hitched up higher! The one with the plant is this week, the last one is a month ago. I think maybe my leg looks a little thinner in the side one. The reality is though that I only have 0.7 kilos to go to goal so except for toning up I'm not going to look any different.

 Sadly I still look at myself and think I've got heaps to go. I need to keep reminding myself how far I've come. I've gotten down to 70 before (my goal this time is 75) and looked great but just couldn't maintain it. So I binged and next thing I'm 35 kilos heavier. And even when at that weight I then started to look at other things I didn't like about myself. We're our own worst enemy! Most of the time I like what I see now. I wear lots of nice clothes that haven't fit me forever. My kids can get their arms around me when they cuddle me. I'm at a healthy bmi and at the top of my healthy weight range. And I am now at the stage where (as long as it's not every day and all the time) I am able to have treats here and there. I don't even feel as though I've been limited in the last few weeks as I've had lots of social occasions. For the most part I've made wise food choices but I'll admit there's been a few that have just been out and out bad (but so, so good!) On the other days though I've had my shakes, lots of water and done my exercise. I'm not going to become complacent. Those foods are what got me into this trouble in the first place. They're not my friend. But I don't want them to be my enemy either. It's unrealistic to say that I'll give everything up. So it's balancing time. Balancing being a good girl for the majority of the time. And balancing between being judgemental of how I look at actually saying that I look good just the way I am. It's a work in progress!

Have a wonderful Christmas everybody! Roll on 2016. Shitty as 2015 was I'm still alive and feeling good. I have big plans for my 50th year next year! Woohoo, bring it on!

 

 


 

 

Thursday 5 November 2015

Lost 0.2 kilos

 Soooo, nothing to report really this week. I've had a slow couple of weeks. I've only lost 0.2 kilos. I've had a shocker headache/migraine for most of the week. I still managed to go to the gym twice in that time, having medication then going straight after, but I haven't kept up my walks and since going to the doctors and hospital for my head I haven't done anything physical.

Such a bugger, I am really enjoying the gym. I have given myself until Sunday to rest. We are having a party on Saturday which I shall enjoy so we have a few things to do to get ready for that too. Once that is done and dusted I can get back to my fabulous transformation!

I have proved before that I didn't have to exercise to lose weight so I don't think it's my one missed gym session that has contributed to the low weight gain. I have had a couple of extras in my food this week. I have also been extremely constipated (sorry about that!) which obviously doesn't help. And I've been taking nurofen which retains weight. But I'm not stressing at all. I'm close to my goal weight so I'm going to slow down anyway. And I'm quite liking not being as obsessed with my weight as I once was. I have 2.4 kilos left to lose so if I hover around this weight I'm pretty happy with that. I'll be happier if I hover around my 75 kilo goal but it will come. I'm still eating sensibly, just not by the hard and fast rules anymore. So for example, yesterday I had a shake for breakfast and a shake for lunch. For dinner though I had salt and pepper calamari (scraping around for what was in the freezer) which is crumbed. And cooked in the oven with a little oil to stop it from sticking. I added to this onion and mushroom cooked in a little oil. And the rest was salad - baby spinach, tomatoes, avocado, grated carrot.   So the oil and the crumb isn't in the guidelines of suggested meals but I'm at the stage now where I am testing the waters with my choices and in the 'real world' that's a pretty healthy meal I think.  And a yummy one too!

My photos don't look any different this week but as it's what I do then I'll do it. I'm expecting more toning soon, then I'll probably stop for a while as they will all be the same! Again, the one on the left, with the red candle is this week and the other one is last week.  I will of course share photos when I'm a bit more buff, and I'll share the news if I get selected to go to the finals in Fiji! So I'm thinking you'll have the pleasure of my company for a few more weeks, I'll keep writing til I get to goal. Then it's time to maintain and go it alone! I get so much support from people on the Rapid Loss forum, they're just so wonderful as they 'get' it and are going through it themselves. So I'll stay on there for my support but also to support others, to show that it can be done. I've lost nearly 30 kilos woo bloody hoo!

Thursday 29 October 2015

October 30, .3 kilos lost

Sooo, I am now at 77.6 kilos. I lost 0.3 this week. I am happy with that as I had a very social week. Much of the week I was eating as though I was at maintenance, making wise food choices with what was on offer.
 
This included  Japanese pancakes at the school fete and a teriyaki chicken wrap at Subway. I have found that a nice filling lunch on these lovely sunny days is mountain bread with lots of salady fillings. We have this when I catch up with friends and this is what I chose for my subway dinner too. Lots of baby spinach, grated carrot, avocado, tomato, sometimes onion. Chicken when it's there, if not I will have cheese. And a dip smeared on for some extra flavour. It's yummy and quite filling.
 
So, not much to report this week. I think I'm at the stage when I'm toning and finishing off what I started at the beginning of the year. I only have 2.6 kilos to go until I reach my goal weight so I'm not expecting big numbers at the moment. So as I said, happy with what I lost this week. I'm going to the gym every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday and walking the dogs every night. My Bethie is loving this too which is great for her as, like me, she normally hates exercise.
 
My photos this week I wasn't expecting much difference but I think the bumpy bits on my hips are going down a bit. They wont go completely because I'm not getting down to a ridiculously skinny weight for me. I'm gonna be bumpy, that's the way I am. The first one is today with the bottle on the toilet, the one with the jar was last week. My last photo is my most exciting I think. It shows the ribbon that I fitted around my waist last year at my body image group. All of our members did this. I don't do measuring. I don't really get when people say how many cms they've lost, I'm a very visual person so to me, seeing it means so much more than hearing it. I was shocked when I saw how far out it came, a bit like when you see the people on the Biggest Loser hold up their big pants that they used to wear. I had my daughter take the photo after I had been to the gym yesterday morning. Have a great week everybody!
 
 

Thursday 22 October 2015

77.9 kilos ! 1 kilo down


Well I didn't think it was going to shift this week. I weighed in earlier in the week and there was still nothing lost. As I had been extra specially good this week I resigned myself to the fact that maybe I am one of these people who, when starting to exercise, stops losing weight to start with. And I was ok with that as I am so close to my goal weight. Then, miracle, a kilo is gone! It's starting to shift again.

I've been religiously good with my exercise. I have sleep issues so yesterday I just couldn't get up early after waking at 2am and not dropping back to sleep of course until my alarm was due to go off. After going an having a scan done though I decided that yes, I could go after all. So every second day I've gone, and, as a nice little bonus, each night my oldest and I have been taking the dogs for a walk. Loving this warmer weather!

I don't think the photos are that much different but I added my first photos as the request of my faithful friend and supporter Eloise. She wanted me to remind her of how I started out. Not that she ever said I looked too big, she loved me the way I was, but she's very happy for me that I feel so good and is proud of me for achieving it. And let's face it, so am I.

I feel like I'm nearly at the end of my weigh loss journey. I hope to God that it really is the last time that I feel the need to embark on such a huge feat. I like to think that I have learnt what not to do to stop it from happening again. I know a big thing is owning it, slipping off and getting back on again, even if it's a couple of months down the track. Get back on before you stuff it up (your good work and your self esteem) completely. We are our own worst enemies. I have 2.9 kilos to go until I reach my goal. I want to be 75 kilos. I've said before, I've gotten down to 68 kilos before as a mother of 3 (much less in my younger years) and it was ridiculously unrealistic for me to stay there. Much as I'd love to be a size 12, I'm just not prepared to constantly starve myself to stay there, nor let it all consume my life. I'm happy to be a healthy size 14 and enjoy my social life and my pizzas but in moderation. Everything in moderation.

So, this week the first is from today, the second is from last week, and the third, clearly, is from the beginning. I have a lovely temporary tattoo thanks to my very talented art teacher and I must say I'm loving it! See you next week!



 
 

Thursday 15 October 2015

October 16th. Gained 0.2, now at 78.9 kilos

So......... I had a rude shock this week when I weighed in after the weekend and found I had put on .8 kilos! I went on to the Rapid Loss forum and asked about the whole muscle weighs more than fat theory, hoping of course that that was the reason I put so much on. I hadn't weighed in over the weekend because I had been a naughty girl and knew I would either have put on a bit or not lost any but I wasn't expecting that at all. The answers were that (from them and from my other experienced friends) no, I wouldn't have put on that much for exercising for a week. Which meant - gasp - it was my own fault!
 
The reality is that I had vegetarian pizza on Friday night. The reality is that I had a huge hamburger for lunch on Sunday. The old me figured that if I took the cheese off it would be ok to have a few chips with it which is ridiculous. And a little glass of what we call bubble juice - Fanta. The reality also is that I am doing stage 3 and making my own choices now and I chose to have a fatty meal for lunch. And the reality is that it meant it put weight on. Choice made, consequences accepted. The reality also is that I really enjoyed my hamburger, to celebrate my father in laws 88th birthday and I'm ok with that too. That's life, it's what I did the rest of the day, or the rest of the week that counts. And I went to the gym that morning and had shakes for both breakfast and dinner.
 
I chose to upload my photos before writing my blog post today. I've never done this before. For my readers they wont look any different but for me, I usually write about how I don't think there will be any difference, then I upload them and I either agree with myself or I surprise myself by saying that I think I do look different after all. I had a gut feeling that despite what the scales said I would look better in this week's photos and I was right. Experience has told me this. The rest of last week I was really good and I've been going to the gym every second day. I feel different. I feel stronger and tighter. I have off weeks when I weigh and I will go back and look at my photos and say to myself that I look different. I think there is other stuff going on in there that we can't measure on the scales. So, readers who think there's no hope, if you're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't seem to show, it comes out somewhere. This is the first week that I have put on, the first time in this whole program. And there is a reason for it as I've stated above. But it didn't give me permission to say stuff it, I'm going to put on this week anyway so I may as well do a good job of it. I still kept going to the gym and I still kept up my healthy eating because I still want to be healthy and fit. So the results of that still showed, even though the results of the hamburger did too. Do you get what I'm saying? As my friend Clare said to me once, I used to be confused but now I'm not so sure!
 
The other photo I'm putting in is me in my inspiration dress! I'm rather chuffed as I had been given it a couple of years ago and it had a broken zip. I had to get it fixed and was umming and aahing about it, asking my daughter Bridie if she thought it was worthwhile paying for it to get fixed. It is a size 14 and I could get it on but the zip (at the bottom) barely touched, let alone the top. She said she thought it was really pretty so I decided that that was my goal, to fit into that dress. The weather of course also had to be permitting and yesterday was perfect for it. How bloody exciting!
 
I'll leave you (before you marvel at the miracle photos) with a thought I have every time I weigh in. I've heard this over and over again, whether it is from people on the forum or friends who have been trying to lose weight. We forget our progress and still consider ourselves at our biggest range of weight. I weighed in this morning and in my mind I said 98.9 instead of 78.9 kilos. And I do this constantly. We have to remember how far we've come. Especially if there has been a gain or not a great loss. Putting .2 kilos back on does not put me back up into the 98 kilo category. It gives me a wake up call but doesn't mean that I'm skyrocketing right back to where I started. I don't weigh that anymore. I never will again. When I restarted this challenge I had to remind myself of that. I had put 3 kilos back on, I was disappointed in myself for doing so but I owned it. I didn't put 23 kilos back on. But if I hadn't have owned it I might have done. So I need to stop weighing myself and putting a 9 at the front instead of a 7.
 
The first photos are of this week and the second (with the green candle) are of last week.
 



Thursday 8 October 2015

Another kilo down October 9th

Pretty happy with this week. Being a daily weigher (yes I know but I just can't help myself) I had actually lost another .3 yesterday so was a tad peeved when I got up this morning and found it back again. I said to myself that I'll make it up, I said that I will just lose less next week so it's ok, but I put the right amount. I think if I'm not honest with myself and the program then I'll start fudging things somewhere else. I'm good at fudging things and can bullshit my way out of an awkward situation. I inherited my dad (and my sister's) incredible ability to lie well, even to myself! But I'm not doing that now as it's what get's me into trouble. I also found that if I am honest with myself and own where I have slipped then I can get back into it easier. I found it really hard to admit that I had put on again before the second round of rapid loss, this round. But once I said 'hey this is my situation' I had support again and I knew I had made the right decision.

I had my appointment with the exercise physiologist at the gym yesterday. Again I impressed myself (sorry I sound really up myself and I'm really not!) This was good for me though. I had to have a blood test for my warfarin levels which had to be done before Paul left for work at 10 as I still can't drive. But I knew that I'm not allowed to do heavy lifting after these tests or strenuous exercise. Which posed the problem, I can't do a workout at the gym while I'm there. Soooo, I went beforehand for my workout, at 8am while Paul was taking the kids. Then I had my blood test, then I went back to be shown my new exercises by the physiologist. It was a shame that I couldn't do them but I didn't feel like I didn't benefit and didn't feel like I didn't get any exercise in. And, as I hoped I would, I felt so much better after my second workout. Heaps of energy, not exhausted and almost falling down when I got home, and the happy endorphins were working big time!

I had a friend come and visit this week. She had started the program after reading my blog (thanks for the encouragement!) and, as she explained to me yesterday, had become complacent, thinking that she could have a little bit of this or a little bit of that. And as we all know, you can't. On some weight loss programs you can of course but if you have a lot to lose it can be very disheartening to lose so slowly that it can take months before you see any differences, often making people give up. Starting at over 100 kilos I can't tell you how many times I'd start something and lose 5 kilos, which was fantastic. But that would take me a couple of months, I'd feel depressed because 5 kilos is great but I didn't look any different. I'd have a binge, beat myself up more, binge more and put it all back on and often more. I know shakes aren't for everybody and I know losing weight fast isn't for everybody but for some it works. It really is as good as it sounds and literally within weeks I looked different. I think I lost my first 10 kilos in the first 3 weeks! Of course it does slow down but there's no reason why you can't lose at least a kilo a week if you're doing the program, and I did that before I had started exercising. Now I'm on stage 3 and enjoying more varied meals, having the odd treat or two. I'm still losing pretty well but if I was losing half a kilo each week I'd be ok with that too because I know why I've slowed down. But I don't have much to lose so it's a whole different kettle of fish. I'm happy that I will look good for summer, already do really (even if I do say so myself!) From the start of this second journey to today's weigh in I am half way. I have lost 3.7 kilos and have 3.7 kilos to go until goal. I'm pretty stoked with that.

As I said to my friend, it really comes down to one thing. Do you want it? If your heart's not in it then what's the point. If you're saying 'oh I'll miss eating ..... or drinking ......' then you're already mourning the things you want now, and you haven't even started! (This isn't directed at my friend by the way, just to those of you in general who are saying they want to lose weight but can't because of .....)

Some of the things I've said (and heard) in the past are :

If I can factor in my pizza once a week and my bacon and eggs and my treat at art class then I'll be much happier! Really? And I wonder why I didn't lose weight before! I can have these things, in moderation now and, in conjunction with the program I am still losing weight. I am making much healthier choices and just not doing it all the time. My downfall has always been excess. Excessive drinking, excessive smoking, and last but not least excessive eating. And you can't just give up eating, you have to do it!

I have to cook food for my family and I love what I cook and want to eat it. Suck it up buttercup! Once I've cooked chips and gotten through a meal with smelling it and wanting it, especially with bread and butter, I can do it again. I liken it to the first boozy night after giving up the fags. Once it's been done once it can be done again. I can even drive through McDonalds to order meals for the kids now and not get anything.

I love takeaway and if the family are having it I want it too. Hide. Hide in the bedroom if it's a nice smelly one such as butter chicken (my favourite). Or go for a walk. (I wont tell you to not let them get takeaway when you're trying to lose weight. I don't think it's fair to make your family go without all the time just because you've made a lifestyle choice and you have to cope with things sometimes). Or choose a healthy alternative. Indian restaurants often have that lovely little chopped salad called kachumber. Having that with an entrée of some sort of chicken is a good alternative. Thai has fresh spring rolls, really healthy. Fish and chips even have alternatives. Grilled fish and be prepared with a salad. Once we could have a wrap, my daughter and I would share a souvlaki. Not a fantastic choice but not too bad I thought. I quite enjoy the challenge of choosing healthy on a menu rather than go for the good old favourites such as chicken parma or butter chicken. When going against the grain you often find things that you never would have looked at.

I can't do without my coffee forever. It's not forever. If you look at the challenge it's really 16 weeks. Only the first few weeks is really strict in stage 1. Stage 2 does goes for a while but you get the results. And stage 3 is the exciting time, the stage I'm in. I can make the choices that I want but carefully and with planning. I have a coffee in the morning and will drink decaf or tea (and lots of water) the rest of the time. As with everything, it's limited for a reason and it works.

I can't eat different things from my family, it's too hard and expensive. Well the shakes are the cheapest meal that I've ever had. Even at full price they work out to be about $2 per serve and I often buy them on special somewhere. This means that if I am cooking a different meal for the kids (and I do try and cook similar usually) I can buy really nice cuts of meat or as a special treat some prawns or scallops. It's easy to eat healthy when you have yummy ingredients. I have even started to cook the meals for my kids with mixed opinions. The stir fry is easy, the veggies taste like the sauce in a stir fry and my kids will happily eat them. I just add rice for them and have mine without. Easy meal, good way of getting kids veggies in.

I can't stand the thought of drinking shakes all the time.
I thought this would be a hard one too but no joke, they are delicious. There's not a time where I dread having my shake as I really enjoy them. The bonus of the latte one is that I get a coffee taste fix in there too. They are full of vitamins and they really do take the cravings away.

So, when it comes down to it, the real question is, do you want it? Do you really want to change the you that you are now? If you do then it's time to do it. As I've said a lot, there aren't many things that we have control of in our lives. Our weight is one of those things. If you really want to lose weight then do it. Support is fantastic if you can get it. I have been lucky to have a very supportive family for the most part. Even though as we speak my husband is cooking up a bacon sandwich. Behind me! But mainly he is great, as are my kids. I get lots of forum support from the rapid loss team and other contestants and my friends have been wonderful. And of course my readers, you have all been so encouraging and have spurred me on so much. If you keep doing what you have always done you will keep getting what you've always got. It's that simple. 

So, now for the photos. Again not sure if much difference but not expecting heaps at this stage. The green candle is this week, the red candle is last week. Here goes. I don't see much difference with the side on shots but I think I look a little thinner in the front shot, not quite so rounded in areas.



 

 

Sunday 4 October 2015

Gym

Thought I'd do a midweek post as I'm exhausted and I think I deserve a little pat on the back!

I went for my gym assessment this morning. My day didn't start off the best, going out the back door to let the dogs out I didn't realise that the screen sliding door was shut too and I ran into it. Luckily the wire mesh imprint on my forehead had gone before my assessment! It was meant to be with the exercise physiologist but instead it was with a 'normal' person to assess me. He said that to sign off on a proper program I should wait for the other guy but that I could start to do things this morning that I used to do if I wanted. Which didn't really make much sense but as I felt confident in what I could do and couldn't do I opted to start. I surprised myself as to start with when he said that we should wait to devise a program until I'd spoken to Ben the old me had a rush of excitement at going home and not starting until next week! Then I said that I had started to pay last week and didn't want to waste my money so how about we start now! I know right, I surprised even myself!

I did a shortened version of the suggestions offered but I'm still happy with what I did. I particularly like the weights. Hell let's be honest, they're the only things I like. And even then, like it a strong word. I know it will get better but the reality is that I don't like exercising. Never have. But, as I said the other day, for the first time in my life I will be the correct weight, be at a good fitness level and be a non drinker and smoker. For the first time ever! I'm a bloody legend! So here's what I did :

I did 5 minutes on the cross trainer. I included the minute that I did it in front of the trainer. I hate the cross trainer. Then I did the weights machines, 1 round of the 5 machines at 10 reps each. 6 kilo weights. Then I did 5 minutes on the bike. Then another round of weights. Then 5 minutes on the rowing machine. Then another round of weights. Then 5 minutes on the treadmill. And that's it. And that's enough. Here's a photo of me halfway through hiding in the toilets for a break and checking my phone.
As I said, I do like the weights the most. I actually like the idea of body building but I don't like the really muscular look, I don't know if you can do it more for toning up and shaping yourself. I might even look into that. I hate cardio, I hate being out of breath and I am a big sweater, especially as I'm going through menopause, I break out in a sweat bending over for goodness sakes! I was pretty happy with my effort. I will do better as I go along. As I did the exercise bike race thingy I put in my contact details so it could record it and it said it was September 2013 when I last did it. So just over 2 years since I've done any exercise at all really. I'm absolutely stuffed and I know I wont be able to move tomorrow but I also know that it will get better and that the first time is the worst time. Yay me!
 
Here I am after walking home and sitting down at the computer! Sweaty much?!
 

Thursday 1 October 2015

October 2nd. Still going down but struggling a little

I'm doing the blog on a Friday now, simply because when I reset my challenge so I could record my weekly weights. I didn't realise though that instead of it being a Monday or a Tuesday, it resets each week to a Saturday morning. I missed putting last week's photo on so to be in line with Rapid Loss I changed it. I was sort of glad as I didn't do that great last week, so it gave me a few extra days!

So, my results aren't all that bad, I've lost a kilo in 11 days. I think I have to remind myself that a) I don't have far to go so will slow down, and b) I am not eating back at the first stage and am having treats here and there, and c) in most weight loss programs, half a kilo a week is an excellent loss.

I felt very, very bloated last week so was kind of glad that I didn't do my photos. I don't know what the reason for that is. Men shut your ears here. As I don't have a period anymore, hormonally I have no bloody idea what is going on. So while others can say they bloat before or after their periods, or during, I don't have that so my fluctuating hormones could be due to other reasons. Or I was just bloated. Who the hell knows! I am limited to what veggies I can eat because being on warfarin means that you have to be careful of green leafy vegetables due to their vitamin k content. The alternative to avoiding them is having the same amount of them every night, so I'm thinking that as the weather gets better I shall start doing that. After 40 odd years of hating salad and many veggies, I now can't imagine going through summer without them, that's gotta be a good thing. This means that onions are on the menu a lot, meaning that the gases are working overtime. While I do enjoy farting (a lot) it may also mean that my gut is full of air! I'm also pretty constipated so I'm taking measures to help that along. I'm sure that doesn't help!

I have been keeping up my water intake for the most part, finding that pretty easy seeing as I can't drive. I did realise that I was back to 4 coffees a day and as caffeine retains water I bought some decaf and have slowly been going back to tea. I have noticed this has made a bit of a difference over the last couple of days. So, I am going in to each week as though it's a new one. It does help that I'm nearly there. It also helps that the bathers that I love so much already fit me so I know it's just a matter of toning up. The nice weather helps A LOT too, mentally and physically. I've been out painting fences and cleaning madly, something I'm not great at at the best of times. Some other things I've done well, that I must remind myself of are : Going to an Intimo demo and having nothing to eat at all, despite all the yummy goodies on offer. Going to lunch with the family who had chicken and chips and having a wholegrain roll with the chicken and salad. Coping with the school holidays and not having the lovely junkie snacks that the kids have. Saying no when the family had an indian feast, opting to stay away from the yummy smells as much as I could!

The big excitement is that I am rejoining our local gym. I was a member a couple of years ago, back when I was over 100 kilos. I planned on losing weight but I fluctuated back and forth as I tend to do when I'm not really 100% there. I did go to the gym lots however and grew to enjoy it. I'm pretty excited. I've never done both before. I've done exercise programs or I've done weight loss programs but not together. As I really want to succeed, not just in the weight loss competition, but in my weight loss journey, it will be great to put the 2 together. To lose weight and be fit, as a non drinker and non smoker, will be amazing. I'm 50 next year, what a fabulous way to go into my 50th, fitter than I've ever been in my life before.

OK the below pictures show you what I mean about the bloating. The candle in the background pictures are this week and the other one is the week before. I think I look bigger in this weeks than last weeks. That's ok though. There are weeks where I've lost bugger all yet looked different in the photos. This is a true reflection of what's going on. Similarly to the blog, when I decided to start going back on the rapid loss again I felt like a bit of a failure, even though I'd only put on a couple of kilos. Then I thought that if I don't own it, if I don't do something about it, I'll just go right back to where I was. It's the ridiculous shame that we put on ourselves that puts us in that situation. There's no shame in admitting that you've stuffed up slightly, that just makes us humans. And hiding in a corner shoving food in our gobs to combat that shame doesn't work. I went back on the rapid loss forum and, as I knew I would, got the support from the staff and other forum members. I feel more in control now. There's nothing worse than spiralling out of control, knowing you feel helpless but not sure what to do about it. I'm so glad I got back on to the program, mentally I feel great again!


 


 

Sunday 20 September 2015

September 21st 1.4 down to 80.7 kilos

Well I'm pretty pleased with my results this week. I know I'm not going to get big results like this all the time as I don't have that much to go, and I am not being as strict as I was when I first started on Rapid Loss so if I can lose .5 to 1 kilo each week I'll be happy. Hell they'll be some weeks where I'm sure I'll be happy just not to gain! I had a sort of day off this week. It was planned and I was happy with it. I went to a friend's house and we had some yummy toast with dips and some healthy muffins and slice. Then I had pizza for dinner. We do enjoy our pizza and I figure if I can reign myself in on the other things at the other times then I can see how I go. Really I'm on stage 3 rather than back to stage 1 so as I said I'm ok if I don't lose as fast as I did. The rest of the week I've been good, eating healthy meals for my 'other' meals that aren't shakes and drinking lots of water. As it's school holidays I figured I'd rope the kids in to taking the dogs for walks around the neighbourhood with me, we can walk through the local schools with them which are very close. I still can't drive so our nice dog walking park is too hard at the moment. And I do still have to take it easy somewhat, I know if I have overdone it I am pretty stuffed at the end of the day!

The beauty of my gorgeous new bathers is that they have sucky in panels, they also come up quite high, so depending on where they are in the photo it may look different anyway, if it's covering (or not covering) bumpy bits! Even the closeness of the camera makes a difference, I know that.  Just looking at them as they've uploaded, I'm pretty sure I wasn't pushing my gut out in the first week or positioned that differently so I do think there's a difference. It just shows that you can make a difference just but cutting out all the crap you eat for a week! Still, it's more of a record for me to see the difference, after several weeks. I've got lots of use out of my bathers this week, we spent a fun afternoon in the spa yesterday afternoon and it's so nice not to wear men's boardshorts and a big baggy t shirt!

So the first is from this week and the second from last week. I should have done something different in the photo to differentiate I guess but never mind, too late now! And just have to say, how ace does my cleavage look?!

 
 
 

Sunday 13 September 2015

I'm baaaaack

Well after a rather long hiatus I've decided to finish what I started all those months ago. Rapid Loss has given us the opportunity to do more than one challenge in their competition time. While I don't think I need to enter as a full 16 week contestant (yay) I am doing so so that I can keep a record of where I am and how far I have to go.

For those who don't know it, I started at 105 kilos at the beginning of the year. I got down to approximately 80 kilos, give or take a kilo or 2. At about week 10 of my 16 week challenge it was discovered that I had a benign brain tumour. This was removed at the end of June. My challenge finished just before Mother's Day in May and I continued on until then, determined to be a good weight for my operation. For the most part I was good and when I had the operation I was around about 79 kilos. Since coming home I've done nothing! I've gotten back into my dreadful snacky eating habits and I've done no exercise. I had a good excuse for the exercise, my balance nerve was cut so I have had trouble in that department. I've also had (have) bad headaches from time to time. I still can't drive so food shopping has been a little out of my control so I decided not to stress, I would know when it was time to jump back on the wagon.

I have however rediscovered online shopping so am prepared for this week food wise. I have the added challenge of being on Warfarin, due to a clot after my operation, so I have had to tell my doctors about the Rapid Loss shakes as they have vitamin K in them which can muck around with the blood levels. I also can't eat green leafy veggies which have vitamin K in them so that puts a bit of a dampener on things as out of all the veggies, bok choy and baby spinach are my faves. Hopefully I wont be on it for much longer as it's nearly been 3 months now since the op and that was the approximate time.

I saw that The Biggest Loser was starting again and decided that it would be a good time to start. I watched it last night and I'll tell you what, it was so nice not to watch it feeling depressed because I was in a similar situation. Normally I start to watch it feeling almost smug because I'm not as big as them, then get depressed over the season because they get skinnier than me and I stay big! This time I watched, not feeling smug but feeling excited that as they reach their goals, I will reach mine!

It's hard not to be down on myself for putting weight on again but I think the thing to remember is that I haven't gone back to where I was. I weighed myself this morning and I am 82.1 kilos. So though I vowed that I wouldn't go back to above 80 and I have, I haven't gone back to 105 kilos, I haven't even gone back to the 90s. I have 7 kilos to go until I am at goal weight. I can do that easy peasy.

I have new bathers! I am so excited. I love Intimo, as my regular readers would know. I had a gorgeous set of underwear that I wore for my first lot of photos, for my first 16 week challenge. I was rapt, I love my boobs and, although they got smaller they didn't go that much smaller! So I wore the same underwear through the whole 25 kilo loss (as in the photos, not the whole time!) Intimo brought out new bathers this month though and I desperately wanted them so I had a demo last week and bought some. So I've decided that they will be my inspiration photos. They fit me now so I'm going into my second challenge with a different mindset. The last one I felt almost hopeless to start with, 30 kilos to lose was a big ask. I've nearly done that, 7 kilos will be fine and it's more about fitting into my bathers without as many lumps and bumps as there is now. I think they look good now, and the girls look great, but I did have a goal and I want to get there in style. And when I go to Fiji for the finalists trip for the Rapid Loss Challenge, I want to look smoking hot! So I am showing my week one /challenge two photos which are the aqua bathers, and this week I shall show my week one / challenge one photo next to it, if nothing else to show myself how far I've come. I'm very excited that the weather is nice and I am able to wear my summer clothes, they're just still a little snug. I even bought myself a strapless bra to really look nice in my strappy tops and dresses!

So here's this week's photos, and the very first week's too! I must say looking at them makes me feel positive and I just love my new bathers!

 

 


Sunday 7 June 2015

Time for a hiatus

Well I've gotten down to 80 kilos which I am very proud of. 25 kilos lost, 5 kilos to go. At this point in time I'm happy to maintain that. Who would have thought at the beginning of this year that I would say I had lost 25 kilos!

I started this journey to try and get some semblance of control in my life. I've lost lots of family, more than anybody should at 48. My mum when I was 13, my brother when I was 20, they were the major ones, the ones who were part of my childhood, part of what makes me me. Other family and friends over the years, I spent my years very sad and drunk, trying to meet Mr Right and establish my own family. Struggles with alcohol dependency, high cigarette usage, the occasional hash cookie or bong, it could have been much worse but it was bad enough. I married Paul and our 3 babies came along, then I had found what I was missing. The love I had for my mum, my all consuming grief over her passing had eased with the love I had of my own children.

Despite my oldest - Beth - having autism and my youngest - Bridie - having high anxiety, (our middle child is Bill) our live has been lovely, the usual money troubles, arguments and parenting squabbles are there of course but for the most part I've felt blessed with a beautiful family and wonderful friends.

Last year I started studying after not being able to get a job, counselling. I want to be a case worker when I grow up and counselling is the start to living my dream. It was a hard year last year. My study was fabulous but my aunty died in February and she was the mum to me after my own mum died. She looked after us, she was at my sister's kids births, she was my mother of the bride, she was a wonderful woman. Then my dad died in August. It was just awful, the worst adult year of my life. I deferred my studies as dad was sick before he passed so obviously I couldn't concentrate, could barely function.

By the end of 2014 I decided that 2015 would be wonderful, I just had to get to the end of the year. I started my rapid loss program at the beginning of January and I didn't look back. I started the journey at 105 kilos, bigger than I'd ever been in my life. I decided I would make it my focus, that and finishing my diploma. My weight was something I could choose to change, something I had control over. And I have, for the most part I have. The challenge was for 16 weeks and during that time I lost 22 kilos, 3 kilos since it ended. My goal is to get to 75 kilos and I will get there.

My regular readers know but I'll share it anyway. At week 10 a benign brain tumour was discovered. For fucks sakes, what more! I will be having it removed in 2 weeks and 2 days. On the 24th of June. I decided to keep going with my weight loss, after all, it didn't make me not big, having a brain tumour. And I would be in a great position for surgery. After giving up smoking in 2001 and drinking in 2006 my weight has been my only big issue. I've had other friends discover tumours and worse during this time and it just shows me, for the first time really, how mortal I am, how I am not invincible. I am 50 next year, I can't wait to start my second half century feeling fabulous.

I have decided however that it's time to take a break. I did my challenge and lost most of my weight and will continue on with the lessons I've learnt with the fabulous Rapid Loss program. I have made some lovely friends on the way and have really gained so much from the staff and the other forum participants. My challenge is over for the time being now and my next challenge is to get this stupid tumour out of my head. I'm feeling like crap most of the time at the moment, I have shocking headaches and I am rather dizzy a lot. So I am giving myself a rest and letting myself just be. Sadly I'm one of those people who seems to put weight on in hospital seeing as I love hospital food! But I think it will be different this time. They say I may not even want to eat for 3 or so days as I'll be laid up for over a week, then another week in a rehab facility. I am glad I lost my weight of my own accord. I did it because I worked hard, I ate well and I persevered. Not because I am not well but despite it. So if anybody is reading this and thinking they can't do it, I am proof that if you really want to, you can. You are in control of this. Maybe not other things, but you can control this. You have to be in the right head space, that's an absolute must, but if you want it, grab it.

Thanks for reading. It really has meant the world to me to have your support and friendship, comments and encouragement. I will be back after the operation, letting you know how I am doing with my sexy new scar. See you on the flip side! xxx

Monday 1 June 2015

Week 4 after competition ends, 80.4 kilos - 0.5 kilos lost this week

It's weekly weigh in time so I thought I'd continue on and pop my photos up. I've lost 0.5 kilos this week so pretty happy with that seeing as I've been pretty naughty this week.

I've realised a few things. One of them is that I must have eaten crap all the time before starting on rapid loss. I really was unconsciously filling my face with so many foods that weren't good for me. It's a battle to mentally have to say no as my desire to have these foods is still there to an extent. Often I don't want them but habit tells me that I do. Also, being on stage 3 is lovely, but it also means that a lot of the decisions are up to me. I like this as it gives me flexibility, but I have to not push the boundaries, just because I can have something doesn't mean that I should. It would be so easy to slip back in to my old ways but I know that would give me no control anymore, something that I am enjoying now. I also mean that I would put weight on again and I just don't think I could cope with that again. I WILL make this the last time I have to go through this struggle, and I have to accept that this means having to look at things and act differently from now on. I don't have to be an all or nothing person, I can have my treats but reign myself in. The old me wants to just pig out at times though but by George she won't win!

The challenge deadline has been extended for the competition so now people have until November to start the program. The end date was originally last week. People who started are allowed to have a second chance try. I guess we've all been there, thought we could do something and things have gotten in the way and it hasn't worked out the way we hoped. I do like that people who have done the challenge already, who have more to lose, can enter more than once. They are in the competition anyway and it really does give you the boost you need to keep going. Writing it on the contestant dashboard, you date and your current photo.  I'm a tad disappointed at the extension though. I've done things by the book and have been really proud of myself, I was looking forward to October 12th to find out if I would be in the finalists going to Fiji. I guess next year would be good though, I am turning 50 so it would be a great treat for myself!

I'm still waiting for my op. 3 weeks tomorrow.  I can't wait to have it over and done with. One of my best friends had a tumour removed 2 weeks ago and she's doing so well. I plan on having a similar outcome. I went to IKEA yesterday with some of the school mums which was lovely. I did have a big cooked breakfast but was a good girl afterwards, having the chicken salad for lunch, and a shake for dinner. Getting back on track really is the key. Oh and it was lovely, I got pushed around in a wheelchair, feeling like Lady Muck, it really is the only way to go!

Here's my photos for this week. It's funny, in the shower this morning I was already looking down and thinking how big my tummy looked. Then I look at it from the side in the mirror and it's really not. Funny how our minds tell us the shit stuff instead of the good stuff! Not sure how they'll look but let's see. I'll put the first week in too, just because it always makes me feel good! So, this week (with a surprise visitor, my daughter's cat - Dwight), last week and the first week.